November 2006 vol 1#10

 Finding Joy

 with Dolly Mae

Anger As A Way To Love

I was really angry at my Mother... again. I wanted to find a way to let it go. I had made my obligatory phone call to check in on her and she started in again on her old harangue... Her victimization by an aquaintance. I have learned this happens as people age. They perceive injury; they vent anger. It is a last gasp, futile effort to control what cannot be controlled... death. But it didn’t matter, I was angry. I acknowledged my feelings... total, unmitigated anger; frustration; trapped. What did I want to do with it? I asked myself. What could I do?

I decided that I could not change her, so I’d have to change me. How could I do that in the moment? I decided to change my perspective because that was the only thing I had control over. Ok, I could have hung up, but then I’d have to deal with the guilt and I’d still be angry! So I decided to see her as God, experiencing herself as my mother; trapped in the game of forgetting who she really was. I could see her as more. I could hold that image, if only for a moment, of her grandness, her true self. In the moment I held that awareness, she stopped in mid-sentence and said, “Lets change the subject, I don’t want to talk about that anymore.” I was shocked. By doing nothing, all had been accomplished. My intent was simply to change MY perception. In doing so, everything had been changed. There was no intent to change her, nor any intent to fix anything. How powerful we are, yet unaware. By raising my vision, my anger had become a path to joy.

Anger is not something to be gotten rid of, but something to be loved into wholeness. Everything is a path to God. As my old teacher used to say, “There are a thousand ways home and joy is always an option.”

Dolly Mae is a Spiritual Consultant, Author and Speaker residing in the Seattle area. Her book "Choosing Joy in the Midst of Crisis" is a best seller. She may be reached at 877.246.9569 or dolly@dollymae.com. Visit her website www.dollymae.com for events scheduling and bookings.